a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
