i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When are your genitals available?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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