I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
