dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
