I wanna bring you to show and tell
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
