I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
