I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
