If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
