i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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