I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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