So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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