the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
