i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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