i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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