it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
