id be glad to
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
