Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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