I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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