Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
