I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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