do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
