Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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