Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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