If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
