You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
