Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
