woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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