I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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