My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
