Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I will pee on everything he values.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
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