I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
