My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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