What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
