You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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