god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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