god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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