i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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