apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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