i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
