So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
