he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
