Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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