i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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