i just snorted my name. best moment ever
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
