I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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