He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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