pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
