Screwed.edu
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
