I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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