this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
