He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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