so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
