You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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