found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
