We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
