history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
