hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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