Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
