Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
