I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
