shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
