I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
