how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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