remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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