Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
