All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How does it feel to date your dad?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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