Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
