and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
