All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
