You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
