I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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